Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
