i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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