I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
porn star boner night. come get it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
