yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
