when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
