dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
