The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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