she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
