Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
