This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
