Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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