I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
