6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
