Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
