ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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