the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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