So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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