no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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