can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
