We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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