Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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