Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
