I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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