I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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