Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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