my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
