If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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