I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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