just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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