I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
