I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
