WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
