...so i touched it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
