didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
