genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
