I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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