Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
