I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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