we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
