Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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