you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
