he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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