i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
