So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
