She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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