Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
