9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
