Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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