my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
