Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
