So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You dont lie about slip and slides
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
