i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
