is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
