You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
