when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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