oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
