you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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