Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
