you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
