I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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