He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
