Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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